FROM HOME & CLASSROOM MAGAZINE: Imaginary Friends Exist
Imaginary Friends Exist
Children as young as 2 have the capacity to create an imaginary friend
IMAGINARY FRIENDS EXIST. No kidding! In fact, in 2015, London’s Heathrow Airport acknowledged that one in three children have an imaginary friend, and over two-thirds of those take their invisible playmates on family holidays with them. At Heathrow, invisible friends fly free.
According to developmental psychologist and researcher, Dr. Marjorie Taylor, children’s imaginary friends come in all shapes and forms; some are completely invisible, others take the shape of personified dolls or plush animals, and still, others are based on a character in a book or television program. My younger sister Laura had an imaginary friend of the first variety; invisible. Her name was Darlene. Darlene was stylish, outgoing, wealthy, and quite bossy. She generally joined our family on trips to the department store. Darlene really enjoyed shopping.
Although Darlene was created out of Laura’s school-age imagination, children as young as two years of age have the capacity to create an imaginary friend from whom they derive comfort, support, and love. At the start of her research, Dr. Taylor found that invisible friends were thought to be rare or a red flag indicating shyness or difficulty making real friends. Historically researchers considered imaginary companions harmful or evil; a sign of social deficit, emotional fragility, or victimization. All untrue! Fortunately, as a result of the work of Dr. Taylor and her colleagues, researchers now say with few exceptions that the earlier view could not be more wrong. If we are to create a world where all children are understood, then we need to ask hard questions about past psychological research and have the courage to admit that we were mistaken.
Like this article? Members receive Home & Classroom magazine 3-times per year with membership along with other amazing benefits. Join or subscribe today!
Sixty-five percent of children through age seven have had an imaginary friend resulting in rich and elaborate pretend play. The idea that something can be real and fantasy at the same time is amazing! Children who create imaginary friends are often less shy than other children, possess heightened social understanding, demonstrate increased empathy, and display greater creativity. The creation of whimsical, engaging invisible companions is not just fun; many researchers see this type of play as an important developmental stepping stone.
Some imaginary friends are invisible boys or girls; however imaginary companions can take the form of almost anything. According to Dr. Taylor, pretend friends can be a fly that sits on your shoulder, a bird outside your window, or a little can of tomato paste. Imaginary friends seem to have independent agency, such as behaving badly even when the child prefers social conformity. That was the case with Darlene. She would speak in a derogatory and a mocking manner in spite of Laura’s pleas for civility.
Navigating the world of fantasy and reality is complex. From a very young age, children use many of the same cues as adults to differentiate reality from pretend. They distinguish reality from dreams. They know the difference between imagining something and thinking it. Make no mistake; imaginary friends are not real and the children who create them know it.
Regardless of their understanding of reality, children can be vulnerable to the emotional intensity of fantasy; particularly with regard to their imaginary companions. Researcher, Dr. Tracy Gleason describes it as “an imaginary bubble in which the children and their imaginary companions live. They know that the bubble exists and they choose not to pop it.” I was careful not to pop Laura’s bubble.
As an adult Laura guesses that Darlene was created as a means of aiding her in becoming more outgoing. As an older sister, I remember that Darlene was created shortly after six-year-old Laura was lost among clothing racks in a department store; perhaps as a means of coping with fear.
Creating imaginary friends is fun. Imaginary friends are readily available, good listeners, and excellent for role playing. Child created imaginary relationships mirror real life. Imaginary relationships are often hierarchical such as a parent/child or egalitarian such as a peer. The creation of such relationships can aid children in practicing positive interactions or conflict resolution. Children with imaginary relationships have a forum to practice perspective taking. Dr. Gleason found that children who pretend to be a powerful character (Batman) while faced with a frustrating task take on the coping skills of that character, easing their own frustration. Most imaginary friends disappear before puberty. However, our ability to imagine relationships never goes away. So the next time you meet a child’s imaginary friend take your cue from Heathrow and play along!
References:
Taylor, M. (1999). Imaginary companions and the children who create them. New York: Oxford University Press.
Gleason,T. Sebanc, A., & Hartup, W. (2000). Imaginary companions of preschool children. Developmental Psychology, 36, 419-428.
Taylor, M. & Mottweiler, C. (2008). Imaginary companions: Pretending they are real but knowing they are not. Journal of Play.